Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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