i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
