im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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