I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
