this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
