Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
