And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
