whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
