my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
