He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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