She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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