just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
