Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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