Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
