two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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