No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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