I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
