I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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