Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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