didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Congratulations! We have a period
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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