hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want her autograph on my taint
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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