Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
