I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
