I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
