listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if only i could text you this smell
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
