i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
