Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Congratulations! We have a period
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