I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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