you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
