there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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