new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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