you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
