Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
