The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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