Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
