you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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