This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize