the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
