I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
