the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
