Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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