She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
