dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
