Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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