She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
