Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So much Jack, so little girl.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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