She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
