Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
