covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
