Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize