exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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