I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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