i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
