my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
