i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I believe in your delicious
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
