I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
