Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
