i already hear my dad disowning me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone came in the potted fern
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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