Do you still have your period?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
