last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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