I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
