My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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