Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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