I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
