I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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