I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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