Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize