Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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