Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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