so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
