If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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