Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize