How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
