You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
