did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
