I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize