My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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