I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize