This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
