So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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