I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
