I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
