im drinking this country out of the recession.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
