If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
