'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize