She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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