I feel like abortions should bother me more
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
