He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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