I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
