I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
