these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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