If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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