I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
