Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
