Tornado booty call.. dedication
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
