...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
