She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
