These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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