Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
