Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
