I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize